it’s your birthday
the very first
your eyes are firmly shut
you know nothing and this is why you scream
you have arrived in a small room
you sit and flail in the small room and scream
and when you have finally exerted yourself
exhausted by your own confusion
your scream is suddenly followed by another
that is louder and more piercing than your own
who is in this small room with you?
you gently tap over your eyelids and wake them up
L O O K
there is another here
that sounds like you
seems to look like you
and feels like you too
you don't know what to call it yet
but you'll come back for the idea soon
okay what now?
what else is there here?
how do we use your new features?
I spy...
with these new eyes
UP
THERE!
something bright, sitting in something dark sees you too
as you squeal and fidget
it beams over your small room
and stings it's shine in your new eyes
it tells you to use your something wings to fly to
somewhere far before it's too late
and you think you want to, you really think you do...
but you don't know how
maybe you'll know soon
then something bright, sitting in something dark says
there isn't much time
hurry up, hurry up it's not that hard…
and you believe you want to, you believe you really do...
but you haven't figured it all out
you look to the sounds like you
seems like you
feels like you
and call them your brother
you tell brother,
about his something wings and the somewhere far...
you tell brother,
that the something bright sitting in something dark says we need to
hurry up, hurry up because it’s not all that hard...
and if we both fly together we could figure it out
but I spy... something wrong
a great shadow brushes strokes over you and brother the great shadow takes
your something wings and lifts you
UP
UP
UP!
and the scream of brother rattles the small room you arrived in
where you once knew nothing
the great shadow looks like you but not you now...
what you could be...
when you are here longer
with your new eyes you look into the great shadow
they are the eyes that birthed you so you call them mother
but mother won’t put you down
mother dangles you over the small room
where you now know a few things
but you are not ready yet
you can not fly
your something wings beat for the very first time
and your last
and as you fell through the earth
you scorched the soil
your blood was not yours to keep anymore
so it set on fire
it bubbled
it raged
it squealed inside your frame
but the earth was gentle with your restlessness
you took your claws
pricked your something wings
and drained yourself dry
the pink matter burst at the seams
and all the noise stopped inside
much better
much lighter
much much much quieter
the earth carefully carried you somewhere far
but you feared it wasn’t the same somewhere far,
something bright sitting in something dark meant
the earth wouldn’t say when you would arrive
but that rest would suit you well when you do
BUT YOU CAN'T REST!
DIDN'T YOU JUST GET YOUR NEW EYES!
there are so many ways you haven’t used them
but it didn't matter
because these eyes were not yours to keep anymore
they belong to the land of the living
and so they itched
they oozed
they withered inside your frame
but the earth was gentle with your denial
you were so determined to come back to life
and the best part
you didn’t even know why
you knew nothing about being alive
you took your claws and dug into your new eyes
you carved out two black holes and climbed inside
but the somewhere far wasn’t going to get any closer
just because you wanted it to
you ran
with no feet
you raced to nothing at all
and as you chased your own tail
the earth was gentle
with your naivety
on your search for a pulse
you bargain with blood
you want to go back
you beg the bone
you want everything NOW
you think maybe
if you didn’t scream so loud
mother could have been gentle just like the earth was
you weep for the now
but it doesn’t weep for you
it doesn’t care at all
you took your claws and stabbed in the dark
piercing through a pain that may or may not belong to you
you interrogate the journey and mock the destination
but still the earth was gentle with your damaged heart
exhausted from the fear of your own reflection
you finally surrender to sleep
and when you wake
it’s your birthday
the very first
